A BLOG OF AN AMERICAN LIVING IN BROADWAY COTSWOLDS

STORIES BY WALTER WENTZ

MISERY IN THE COTSWOLDS

God, Mother Nature, Global Warming, or an evil conspiracy involving the CIA, Wall Street bankers, and whomever (You pick your favourite villain) dumped on Broadway last week.  In fact, it dumped all over England forcing over 10,000 people out of their homes.  You would not believe the mess.  Here is one example, a part of Broadway, in a photo taken by 'Andrew' for the BBC...

The storm did some good: It brought out the Blitz spirit, the English being at their best in times of crises.  Neighbours helped neighbours and the emergency services--police, fire departments, ambulance services, and social workers--did a wonderful job.  In most cases, the people were unpaid and did not have to be asked.  They just saw a need and went immediately to work.  A couple of them lost their lives as a result.  

Towns like Tewkesbury, abut 20 miles from Broadway, were totally flooded.  Our village had many homes, like mine, remain dry while others nearby had two or three feet of water in them.  Potable water was also a problem as many water supplies became polluted.  Driving to Cheltenham Tuesday, I saw a lot of large portable blue tanks parked in villages to provide clean water.  On the parking lot in Cheltenham I was met by police who were dispensing free bottled-water.  Again, the emergency services were well on top of the problems.  Although the Brits have much to be proud of, I am sure none of this will show up in the tourist literature.

Things are pretty well dried out now and there are no more serious storms forecast.  So, come on over.  You will still love this place.  

PS Charlie got wet, but it was only when I took him to Abbey Green, the local vet, for a shampoo and trim.

NEVER GO BACK

NEVER GO BACK.......I believe that is a quote from Santayana. Whomever said it, got it right. My return to California confirmed it.

Southern California, where I was brought up, has turned into a Spanish speaking shit hole. The place is dirty, the air is filthy (smog), and the black and Mexican gangs rule many of the streets. English is no longer the first language.

When I was a boy living in South Pasadena, we would leave the door open when going out for a short time on a hot day. Try that now and when you came back none of the furniture would be left. There are places I will not go in Southern California, especially Los Angeles, without carrying a gun. As a retired police officer I could legally do this. However, I would do it anyway as it is better to be tried by nine of your peers than carried by six of your friends.

America has lost control of its borders. This result is a massive influx of illegal aliens, mainly Mexicans. One big advantage of this inflow is that the Mexicans are happy to do the work that the white folks are too lazy to do. Without the illegal Mexicans you could forget going out to dinner or getting your lawn mowed. The Mexicans do all the doggie work in the restaurants and provide the gardeners. Believe me, the 'lazy Mexican' is a myth.

Incidentally, if you ever get to Pasadena, California, visit my friend Ernie Cruz's restaurant, Ernie's Taco House. [He may have moved to nearby Eagle Rock]. I would gladly give a week's income for one of his dinners.

Ernie, was a gunner in a helicopter in Viet Nam. As they say in the vernacular, 'Ernie has brass balls.' He is a terrific guy and one of my most valued friends. Say 'hello' for me.

If you are British and getting lonely for your countrymen, visit Santa Monica, just west of L.A. The English have taken the place over. 

That is it for now.

Have a merry Christmas.

God save the Queen and vote the straight Republican ticket.

Right of Reply - 11 July 2007

I was greatly offended by the article of Walter Wentz.  He should not have described Southern California as only pertaining to Los Angeles.  There are many cities in Southern California, one being San Diego where I live and does not have the problems that Los Angeles has.  Yes, we do have an influx of Mexicans here, but England also has a tremendous influx of many minorities.  When I visit England I am amazed, or horrified, by the different face of England.  I am an English lady living in San Diego and love the informality and friendliness of Americans. Also the sunshine and beauty of this city is hard to beat.  You cannot compare a small village in the Cotswolds to Los Angeles.  He should compare London to Los Angeles.  England is not the England that I left.  I mourn the loss of that peaceful beautiful country that I was raised in.  It no longer exists.  Maybe in the Cotswolds, but go to any big city in England and the same problems exist unfortunately that plague Los Angeles.  Plus Los Angeles is not a typical example of American life.  If America is so bad how come so many English people come here each year and wish they could live here.  Yes, I have visited the Cotswolds and its villages and they are absolutely beautiful, but just remember there are equally as beautiful places here too.  Shame on you Walter Wentz.     

Ann Gerstmar, The McKinley Associates, Inc., 1818 First Avenue, San Diego, CA 92101

BIG-SKY COUNTRY

Had you been in Montana and Wyoming with me this July you would wonder why anybody in their right mind lived anywhere else in the world.  On the 15th of January you would know why. In midwinter the temperature drops to around 20 degrees below freezing and stays there for several months.  Winter in Big-Sky Country is not for sissies.

The scenery is super, the hunting is excellent, and the fishing is good.  You can put bison (seen in the pictures), moose, deer, bear, elk, and wild trout all on the table.  None of these are dangerous animals unless you get them cornered or stumble onto a sow with her cubs.  The only thing dangerous in the Montana forest or Yellowstone National Park (Wyoming) are the stupid people.  For example, along the highway you see signs that read, 'DON'T FEED THE BEARS'.  And what do you see between the signs telling you not to feed the bears?  You guessed it; people feeding the bears.

Yellowstone National Park is one of many such parks founded by that great naturalist, big-game hunter, and conservationist, President Teddy Roosevelt about a hundred years ago.  Yosemite, Sequoia, and Grand Canyon are other examples.  If you want a look, just call them up with your search engine.  If you are into gut-wrenching views, these are fine places to go.  

The park authorities have an allowed commercial firms to provide food and lodging in the parks, but it is all tightly controlled.  In the summer accommodations can be scarce, so get your reservations in advance or take a tent and sleeping bags.  [Restaurants are no problem.]

England is beautiful, but not in the awesome way as America's great parks.  Go have a look.  This is a great time to do it, for the pound is very, very strong agains the U.S. dollar.  You will think that the stupid Americans are giving the stuff away.

Owning a Morgan Motorcar in the Cotswolds

I drive a car which is on the cutting edge of 1936 technology.  It is a Morgan and is the only British car still in production.  [Jaguar, although in England, is an American company.]  The Morgan comes out of a factory in Malvern Link, about thirty miles from my home in Broadway.  The Morgan has a wooden frame.  The front suspension was patented in 1911.  Door handles are extra.  And nobody puts up the top. See what I mean...

Morgans are built for men who are going through male menopause. The owners all join the Morgan Sports Car Club and one of its local chapters which range from Oxford to Los Angeles. 

Every summer a thousand or so cars show up at the big international rally in England at a site that varies from year to year.  Recently it was near Stratford-upon-Avon.

Although the car is ancient, the engines are new. At present, a Ford and a BMW engine are on offer.  

The wait list used to be very long. I had to wait seven years to get mine. Now I believe it is less than a year, so if you are into nostalgia and enjoy a thrill a mile, sign on.  

Since I arrived, 13 years ago, the inventory of cars in the U.K. has gone up fifty percent. The inventory of roads has not gone up one bit. Driving in the U.K. is miserable.  The exception is on a sunny Sunday morning in the Cotswolds when there are few cars on the back roads and many, many lovely villages to visit and country hotels and pubs in which to enjoy breakfast or a cold drink. [Be careful of what you drink when driving in the U.K..  A couple of beers can put a small person over the limit.]  

You can find Morgan on the web. I would include its web site but AOL, for which I have little respect, lost it for me.  You can also track down a firm that will rent you a Morgan for a short trip.  

Enjoy.   Walter Wentz

For more information about Morgan Motorcars and The Malverns in Worcestershire.

Living in a 400 year old Cotswold Cottage

A friend asked me what it was like living in a 300 year-old house in a Cotswold village.  I cannot answer that.  I live in a 400-year-old Cotswold house. A 400-year-old Cotswold house has a number of special qualities you will not find in a 30-year-old house in Southern California which is where I come from.  First of all, unlike the California house, it cannot stand earthquakes.  The ding-bat California house is very light and somewhat flimsy.  Thus it just wiggles and jerks when the earthquakes hit.  The only thing that comes down in the quake is the brick chimney which is built much like a Cotswold cottage.  My English house would never survive a 3.0 on the Richter Scale. The Cotswold cottage has other advantages. 

First of all it impresses Americans, most of whom love olde-worlde buildings You see, my house was built a couple of centuries before the United States even existed. When I purchased my house it was, shall we say, a dump.  Thus I removed all the clapped out plumbing, wiring, and heating.  Next, my builder tore the plaster off the walls in the front of the house to reveal lovely yellow cotswold stone which he then cleaned and pointed.  To 'point' is simply to put fresh mortar between the old stones.  It looks terrific.  The rest of the house got new pipes, wiring, and central heating.  It was then replastered and repainted, save for the living and dining rooms.  New doors were installed.  The old shed in back was replaced with a new two-car garage.  The house lost none of it charm, in fact it gained a bit.  It did become much more comfortable.

The above story applies to many homes in Broadway.  We 'carpetbaggers' (an American expression for outsiders which came out of the Civil War) have done much to maintain the property in the English countryside.  We have given the property what the English call 'added value.'  In a few cases we have saved it. Of course the real joy of living in an English village is not the house but the people.  We have a sense of community here that I have never before experienced.  Fall down in Broadway and somebody will pick you up.  That, however, is a tale for another time. Walt and Charlie

What is there to do in Broadway

Bonfire Night

Most Americans, being rebellious by nature, would have liked Guy Fawkes. Americans like to make statements. So did Mr. Fawkes. Americans like to demonstrate. So did Mr. Fawkes. Americans like a nice cosy fire. So did Mr. Fawkes.

What Mr. Fawkes did not like was Catholics, King James I, and most members of Parliament. He disliked them so much that he decided to blow them up.

To this end he managed to get a whole bunch of gun powder--hence the term 'Gun Powder Plot'--packed into the basement of Westminster Palace to finish off government with one big bang. Unfortunately for the local anarchists, before Guy could light a match, the politicians got wise to his pending felony and placed him under arrest. He was then tortured, tried, convicted, sentenced, and hung, although not necessarily in that order. To get the message across to other malcontents, he was then drawn and quartered, which is pretty nasty stuff. The mess that was left was placed on display in London. Nobody, not even Islamic nutters, have tried the same stunt since.

To acknowledge the good intentions of Mr. Fawkes, on the fifth of every November, the anniversary of his misbehaviour (1605), the British celebrate Guy Fawkes Day. They do this with big bon fires. Naturally the celebration is called 'Bon Fire Night' and a good time is had by all, save of course the local firemen.

Oddly, Fawkes, a Yorkshireman by birth, had served in the Spanish Army. You didn't get much more Catholic than the Spanish Army. Getting zealots to change colours, however, has never been a difficult task. In fact Adolph Hitler did some of his best recruiting amongst the German Communists. [Hitler also liked bon fires.]

Burning things is an old British tradition. In fact the explanation for Britain's cold and wet weather is that God made it that way to remind the English to burn lots of Catholics. Of course when the Catholics were in charge, they burnt lots of Protestants. In the end I imagine it all came out about even.

From Los Angeles to the Cotswolds

Broadway has been here for a very long time, at least a thousand years. My house is one of the newer ones in the village, being only 400 years old. If you like olde worlde, then you would be much more interested in Priors Manse which dates back to the twelfth century and is in the Doomsday Book.
The Book is a product of the French who wanted to know exactly how much they had stolen after their invasion of 1066. In other words, it is a census, the first ever for the British.

The English are not simply Americans with a funny accent. They are different. They eat salad with their fingers, drive on the proper side of the road, and have a wonderful sense of community. This sense of community may partially explain their socialism. [The current government, Labour, is socialist.] This is not all bad, even for an American. If you fall down in England, or at least in Broadway, somebody will pick you up. If you are injured, you will fall into the care of the National Health Service which is free to all. It is superb.

They are also tough. Read a book on Europe 1940. At that time everyone with more than two brain cells to rub together, including Joseph Kennedy, United States Ambassador to the Court of St. James, knew these people were licked. Only the English were dumb enough to think otherwise.

This attribute of courage and stubbornness was beautifully expressed by Sir Winston Churchill who gave the finest, as well as the shortest, commencement address in the history of Oxford University. I shall quote it in full: 'Never give up. Never, ever, give up.'

In principle I am against socialism, much preferring the American system of rough and tumble capitalism. The difference in economic systems likely explains much of the history of the twentieth century. When I was born the English owned the greatest empire the world had ever seen. [Caesar would have been green with envy.] Today it is an important nation, ranking fourth economically, but it is the United States that is the richest and most powerful country in history.

Returning to Broadway, which doesn't even have an army (California has an army.), we find a place as green, serene, and friendly as you are likely to visit in any of your travels. This is especially true on rainy days or after 4:00 when the tourists have gone home or returned to their London hotels. In later articles, should the column survive that long, I shall include some pictures. For now I'll say good-by. Charlie wants to go for a walk.

Walter Wentz

A Hero

Ernie is a small and quiet man. I first met him on a rainy day selling poppies. He was soaking wet, but that was wholly irrelevant to Ernie for Ernie, you see, is one of the few remaining people who think that duty to God, Queen, and Country is a helluva lot more important than owning a new BMW, eating in the fashionable restaurants, or staying dry.

Ernie landed at Sword Beach on D-day, 6 June, 1944. In a couple of hours all of his unit's officers were dead save for the major and he was having to be carried in a wheel barrow. He wasn't carried long for he soon bled to death. Ernie then proceeded to fight his way across France and into Germany. Were it not for the likes of Ernie, you and I would be speaking German today. God bless Ernie Folkes.

Every village and town has a commons or green. The green is a small park and it invariably contains a war memorial. Our memorial has 72 names on it - men who died for their fellow men in the two world wars. That is one name, in other words, that is one dead son, for every ten houses. Had my town, South Pasadena, California, suffered such a loss, it would have meant a whole high school of dead young men.

When the Americans go into Iraq the Brits will be with them, shoulder to shoulder. Of course the French will be nowhere in sight and the Italians couldn't care less. The rest of the Europeans will be equally useless.

Yes, there is a 'special relationship' between Britain and America. Long may it last.

Walter Wentz

AN AMERICAN IN
COTSWOLDS BROADWAY